First of all, I like the picture you chose and the quote you have on the first page of your Storybook. It really drew me in! I also think you did an excellent job of grabbing my attention at the beginning of your introduction. I think dialog—especially shouting—is always a great way to start. It was also funny that Eos was criticizing humans for using their imaginations to make up stories since that's what we're all doing here!
I think your introduction did a really nice job of setting up your Storybook. I love that you have a dialog between to characters. That made it fun and easy to read. The only thing I think you might be able to add is some more specific detail on the stories to come. But, obviously, that can come later in the semester.
Overall I really enjoyed this introduction and I'm excited to see what stories you add!
I like the sparkle aspect of the page design! It makes it seem fairy-like and dreamy. I love how you use that poem on the home page. It makes it a lot more interesting than if it only had the image. The image on your introduction doesn’t really seem to blend with what you had going on your home page. If you want to make it more cohesive, I think changing the image on your introduction would help! You need to decide if you like the older images that would go with a simpler background (which can be powerful and not boring) or the background you have now but with more current images that go with the eccentric design.
I like how you started your intro with a scene. I know for me, it is really hard to start a story in general and you did a really great job! Oh I love “clear your eyes and listen to me” that is great imagery. I think if you add more detail to how Homer and Eos were talking with descriptions, I think it would help the imagery of the story. I am curious as to how the two are standing and talking, what is their posture, what are they dressed in and where are they standing? Overall, I love the way you set this up. It gives great descriptions and really sets the scene for what is to come with your stories. I am excited to read what you write next.
If I could describe your story in one word it would be dreamy. Something about the goddess and the universe being involved just makes it seem other worldly. I love how you started off the story by diving right into the narrative. I think you could make the story be more easily understood by adding in a little backstory after the first paragraph before she goes to find Homer. I was expecting the puzzle pieces to be put together after that dialogue and explain what the main plot of the story is, so I was reading to try to figure out the plot instead of just letting the story take me along. I was really impressed by the part where she is explaining to Homer who she is. That was really detail oriented and very impressive! I always think it's hard to come up with details like that or, if they are true, to add the details in in a way that is not confusing. Overall, great job!
I like the concept of your storybook. I thought that it was interesting that you are going to tell us the "true" stories of the God's and Goddesses in contrast to what we know from Homer. Where will you draw your inspirations for the following stories? Are you planning to change details in Homer's myths and claim that as what is true or are you going to look at other sources for myths and draw from those? I have an anthology by Edith Hamilton all about Greek and Roman Mythology, you can borrow it if you like...
I like the direction you took with this too, by having an actual goddess to correct Homer was a nice touch. It would be interesting if as you were telling the stories, you make Eos slightly biased towards certain other Gods and Goddesses. It's like you said, "the god's realm is not as simple as you think."
You did a good job in your introduction, because I can clearly see the storytelling style. I wonder if she will take him on a journey to show him what happened with his eyes, or if she will simply correct the stories by telling him. Perhaps, at the end of each story told, you can add the reactions of Homer. Aside from this, I liked how Eos was confident and did not stray away from her goal when Homer knelt down to her. The website’s design goes very well with the picture from the welcome page. Also, your addition of the poem on the welcome page is a nice touch.
There are few added words and different formatting. For example, “so I can tell walk throughout earth,” should be “so I can walk throughout Earth…” Also, it would look better if, when Eos introduced herself, the whole paragraph would be together or there should be a closing quote after “Clear your ears, and listen to me.”
I will be commenting on your story as I read so it should be a mixture of wow moments and some critiques.
Your hook is great. I like that you captivate the audience immediately by putting them in the situation. "I don't know how many times I have been angered.." I would suggest wording it this way to create a better sense of flow and duration of timing. I suggest dropping the quotes around imagination. I like the opening paragraph because it already paints the picture about what your story will be about. I think it is an interesting take on the variety of different stories told and I find it very humorous in the way that it actually relates to what we are all doing in this class (Lol at the irony). I think that your dialogue is very good for this story. It puts the reader in the scene with the characters. I really enjoy how conclude your story with the very beginning of the next segment. The hook of the intro was good, but the hook to your next text that you will be writing is even better. I hope to stumble upon your page again to read more of what you have to write. Best of luck!
Hey Jennie! I have never been the biggest fan of Greek mythology, mainly because it is pretty confusing to me with all of the different gods and their intertwining stories. Your storybook looks awesome though and was easy for me to follow, which was great! I like that you really gave these gods a family tree and a past and explained how they are related. Your story really caught my attention from the first line. It was a great way to start your introduction because it makes you wonder what stories she is talking about and how they are lies. Your dialogue is very good and flows well…just make sure you proofread because I came across a few worlds/sentences that needing editing. Other than that I really enjoyed reading your introduction. The pictures you used were very fitting not only with the story but also with the entire look of your storybook.
Wow I love this story so much. I really enjoyed the point of view from the Goddess. I thought this made the story so much more interesting. One thing that I thought was the best was your dialogue throughout the story. You did an amazing job of grammar usage and understanding the tone that each person would use. One thing that I did notice and would love to see would be more description of these Gods and Goddesses. I think that would add to the story and help us to envision the characters better. Overall this was a great story and doesn't have very much that I would change. Adding more visuals would be a great way to make the story more reader friendly.
Hi Jennie! The first thing that really caught my eye was the design of your page. It really sets the mood well and adds to the actual story. You have a great hook to start that makes your storybook intriguing. I struggle with reading mythology sometimes; however, you do a great job of hooking the reader at the start. I like that you intertwine the stories with the dialogue. This keeps bringing us back to why we are reading. It is an interesting concept that you are telling around. The idea that people in the mortal world were telling stories of the gods without the gods approving of all the stories. It was interesting to see that the gods in your story were wanting to correct Homer’s stories so that they would be more accurate. I look forward to reading more of your storybook.
Jennie, I absolutely love your introduction! I like you made the characters have a conversation the entire time! It was a change from just writing about what the story was going to be about. It really made the reader feel like they were apart of the story and also made them want to read more. Your entire site was very well designed! It was all very unified, and the background you chose fit your theme to a T. And all the pictures you chose fit very well to both the intro and your first story. I really liked how you ended the first story with a little bit of humor. I really didn't see anything that needed corrected. I can't wait to read more of your stories!
Hi Jennie! I've read your introduction before, so when I read it again I noticed some changes. I thought it sounded really good and set the tone and story better than the first version did. You really helped me understand what is going on in the introduction better than the first time. As I continued reading into the next portion of the storybook, I was very impressed by the amount of detail you added into the story. Then when I got to the end I noticed all of the sources you used to create the story. When you were listing all of the children and what they were the god or goddess of, it was a little overwhelming and hard to remember all of that information. You might just pick out a few to highlight, if you can. But at the same time I was very impressed with the research you put into this part of the story. So far, great job!
Jennie, First of all, I love your introduction. It definitely sets up the storybook well and gives the reader plenty of context. I think you chose an interesting way of telling your stories by having Eos visit Homer and correcting his stories. I never really thought about Homer's stories being controversial and considered wrong by the gods. You write with great descriptive detail, and I feel like I can understand what each character is thinking and feeling. As for the story I read, Origin of the World, I truly enjoyed the changes you made when writing your version. I thought it was creative to show the gods and titans in a more human light. Giving the Titans reasons for going crazy and eating children and hiding out in Tartarus was very clever. It definitely makes me sympathize with their cruel actions. I enjoy your writing very much and look forward to reading more of your work! Great job! Thorpe
Jennie, wow your introduction wasted no time grabbing the audience. You immediately had my attention by jumping straight into the dialogue between Eos and her son. I also love the graphics on your website and how well they relate to the story at hand. In the first story "Origin of the World" I think it was a good idea how you changed the font and boldness of the dialogue from the storytelling by Eos. This made it easier for me to follow along as the story continued. In the introduction, I really like how bold of a character you made Eos and how she sought out Homer to correct some of his stories and ultimately clear her name. There were a few facts that didn't makes sense because Homer is blind, such as when you said it took him a minute to recover after seeing Zephyrs. I understand this is a minor detail but with the rest of your story flowing so well it just through me off. Your transitions were strong and flowed seamlessly between the introduction and each story. You used some what of a cliffhanger in the first story to help pique the reader's interest and make them want to keep going. Great work!
I think there's supposed to be a link on the cover page to the introduction, but I might be wrong about that. Other that that, the site design looks good and complements the cover page image that you selected.
Your introduction was very impressive! There were several good parts to it, but I was most impressed by your use of dialogue. Not only was it believable of Greek gods, but it also enabled me to understand Eos' personality and perspective a lot more. The last scene containing the discussion between Eos and Homer was excellent! I like her reaction to Homer's misunderstanding of the Greek stories.
Your first story had some interesting changes. The first one was rather subtle. I thought I knew the original story well, but I guess I didn't keep track of all the details because I didn't catch that change. Your last change, making Tartarus into a safe haven, was certainly interesting. It should make the perspective throughout the rest of these stories pretty interesting!
I really think that every picture you have included in your stories are stunning, they are so feminine and beautiful. Also, your introduction is one of the best I have read, it’s exciting and draws you in. It’s also rather ingenious that you included Homer and Gods together. Also, that you did it seemly it makes the story unique and interesting. I understand where you are going with the story and what to expect and I appreciate the little definition of what each god rules what and so on. It gives me a better sense of their power. That same descriptions of Gods I continue to appreciate in “Origin of the World”. In the beginning of your first story, I found the beginning a little distracting and I think that’s because each character is doing something different and it’s broken apart. A lot of starts and stops. I know it makes no sense, but what I’m talking about is the short sentences of description (at the beginning). It just seems like incomplete sentences and it’s okay if not every character has something to do. I love your story though and after this initial point. I was like yes, she hit her stride! Great job I really can’t wait to read more :D
First of all, I like the picture you chose and the quote you have on the first page of your Storybook. It really drew me in! I also think you did an excellent job of grabbing my attention at the beginning of your introduction. I think dialog—especially shouting—is always a great way to start. It was also funny that Eos was criticizing humans for using their imaginations to make up stories since that's what we're all doing here!
ReplyDeleteI think your introduction did a really nice job of setting up your Storybook. I love that you have a dialog between to characters. That made it fun and easy to read. The only thing I think you might be able to add is some more specific detail on the stories to come. But, obviously, that can come later in the semester.
Overall I really enjoyed this introduction and I'm excited to see what stories you add!
I like the sparkle aspect of the page design! It makes it seem fairy-like and dreamy. I love how you use that poem on the home page. It makes it a lot more interesting than if it only had the image. The image on your introduction doesn’t really seem to blend with what you had going on your home page. If you want to make it more cohesive, I think changing the image on your introduction would help! You need to decide if you like the older images that would go with a simpler background (which can be powerful and not boring) or the background you have now but with more current images that go with the eccentric design.
ReplyDeleteI like how you started your intro with a scene. I know for me, it is really hard to start a story in general and you did a really great job! Oh I love “clear your eyes and listen to me” that is great imagery. I think if you add more detail to how Homer and Eos were talking with descriptions, I think it would help the imagery of the story. I am curious as to how the two are standing and talking, what is their posture, what are they dressed in and where are they standing? Overall, I love the way you set this up. It gives great descriptions and really sets the scene for what is to come with your stories. I am excited to read what you write next.
If I could describe your story in one word it would be dreamy. Something about the goddess and the universe being involved just makes it seem other worldly. I love how you started off the story by diving right into the narrative. I think you could make the story be more easily understood by adding in a little backstory after the first paragraph before she goes to find Homer. I was expecting the puzzle pieces to be put together after that dialogue and explain what the main plot of the story is, so I was reading to try to figure out the plot instead of just letting the story take me along. I was really impressed by the part where she is explaining to Homer who she is. That was really detail oriented and very impressive! I always think it's hard to come up with details like that or, if they are true, to add the details in in a way that is not confusing. Overall, great job!
ReplyDeleteI like the concept of your storybook. I thought that it was interesting that you are going to tell us the "true" stories of the God's and Goddesses in contrast to what we know from Homer. Where will you draw your inspirations for the following stories? Are you planning to change details in Homer's myths and claim that as what is true or are you going to look at other sources for myths and draw from those? I have an anthology by Edith Hamilton all about Greek and Roman Mythology, you can borrow it if you like...
ReplyDeleteI like the direction you took with this too, by having an actual goddess to correct Homer was a nice touch. It would be interesting if as you were telling the stories, you make Eos slightly biased towards certain other Gods and Goddesses. It's like you said, "the god's realm is not as simple as you think."
You did a good job in your introduction, because I can clearly see the storytelling style. I wonder if she will take him on a journey to show him what happened with his eyes, or if she will simply correct the stories by telling him. Perhaps, at the end of each story told, you can add the reactions of Homer. Aside from this, I liked how Eos was confident and did not stray away from her goal when Homer knelt down to her. The website’s design goes very well with the picture from the welcome page. Also, your addition of the poem on the welcome page is a nice touch.
ReplyDeleteThere are few added words and different formatting. For example, “so I can tell walk throughout earth,” should be “so I can walk throughout Earth…” Also, it would look better if, when Eos introduced herself, the whole paragraph would be together or there should be a closing quote after “Clear your ears, and listen to me.”
Jennie,
ReplyDeleteI will be commenting on your story as I read so it should be a mixture of wow moments and some critiques.
Your hook is great. I like that you captivate the audience immediately by putting them in the situation.
"I don't know how many times I have been angered.." I would suggest wording it this way to create a better sense of flow and duration of timing.
I suggest dropping the quotes around imagination.
I like the opening paragraph because it already paints the picture about what your story will be about. I think it is an interesting take on the variety of different stories told and I find it very humorous in the way that it actually relates to what we are all doing in this class (Lol at the irony).
I think that your dialogue is very good for this story. It puts the reader in the scene with the characters. I really enjoy how conclude your story with the very beginning of the next segment. The hook of the intro was good, but the hook to your next text that you will be writing is even better. I hope to stumble upon your page again to read more of what you have to write.
Best of luck!
Hey Jennie! I have never been the biggest fan of Greek mythology, mainly because it is pretty confusing to me with all of the different gods and their intertwining stories. Your storybook looks awesome though and was easy for me to follow, which was great! I like that you really gave these gods a family tree and a past and explained how they are related. Your story really caught my attention from the first line. It was a great way to start your introduction because it makes you wonder what stories she is talking about and how they are lies. Your dialogue is very good and flows well…just make sure you proofread because I came across a few worlds/sentences that needing editing. Other than that I really enjoyed reading your introduction. The pictures you used were very fitting not only with the story but also with the entire look of your storybook.
ReplyDeleteWow I love this story so much. I really enjoyed the point of view from the Goddess. I thought this made the story so much more interesting. One thing that I thought was the best was your dialogue throughout the story. You did an amazing job of grammar usage and understanding the tone that each person would use. One thing that I did notice and would love to see would be more description of these Gods and Goddesses. I think that would add to the story and help us to envision the characters better. Overall this was a great story and doesn't have very much that I would change. Adding more visuals would be a great way to make the story more reader friendly.
ReplyDeleteHi Jennie! The first thing that really caught my eye was the design of your page. It really sets the mood well and adds to the actual story. You have a great hook to start that makes your storybook intriguing. I struggle with reading mythology sometimes; however, you do a great job of hooking the reader at the start. I like that you intertwine the stories with the dialogue. This keeps bringing us back to why we are reading. It is an interesting concept that you are telling around. The idea that people in the mortal world were telling stories of the gods without the gods approving of all the stories. It was interesting to see that the gods in your story were wanting to correct Homer’s stories so that they would be more accurate. I look forward to reading more of your storybook.
ReplyDeleteJennie,
ReplyDeleteI absolutely love your introduction! I like you made the characters have a conversation the entire time! It was a change from just writing about what the story was going to be about. It really made the reader feel like they were apart of the story and also made them want to read more. Your entire site was very well designed! It was all very unified, and the background you chose fit your theme to a T. And all the pictures you chose fit very well to both the intro and your first story. I really liked how you ended the first story with a little bit of humor. I really didn't see anything that needed corrected. I can't wait to read more of your stories!
Hi Jennie! I've read your introduction before, so when I read it again I noticed some changes. I thought it sounded really good and set the tone and story better than the first version did. You really helped me understand what is going on in the introduction better than the first time. As I continued reading into the next portion of the storybook, I was very impressed by the amount of detail you added into the story. Then when I got to the end I noticed all of the sources you used to create the story. When you were listing all of the children and what they were the god or goddess of, it was a little overwhelming and hard to remember all of that information. You might just pick out a few to highlight, if you can. But at the same time I was very impressed with the research you put into this part of the story. So far, great job!
ReplyDeleteJennie,
ReplyDeleteFirst of all, I love your introduction. It definitely sets up the storybook well and gives the reader plenty of context. I think you chose an interesting way of telling your stories by having Eos visit Homer and correcting his stories. I never really thought about Homer's stories being controversial and considered wrong by the gods. You write with great descriptive detail, and I feel like I can understand what each character is thinking and feeling.
As for the story I read, Origin of the World, I truly enjoyed the changes you made when writing your version. I thought it was creative to show the gods and titans in a more human light. Giving the Titans reasons for going crazy and eating children and hiding out in Tartarus was very clever. It definitely makes me sympathize with their cruel actions. I enjoy your writing very much and look forward to reading more of your work! Great job!
Thorpe
Jennie, wow your introduction wasted no time grabbing the audience. You immediately had my attention by jumping straight into the dialogue between Eos and her son. I also love the graphics on your website and how well they relate to the story at hand. In the first story "Origin of the World" I think it was a good idea how you changed the font and boldness of the dialogue from the storytelling by Eos. This made it easier for me to follow along as the story continued. In the introduction, I really like how bold of a character you made Eos and how she sought out Homer to correct some of his stories and ultimately clear her name. There were a few facts that didn't makes sense because Homer is blind, such as when you said it took him a minute to recover after seeing Zephyrs. I understand this is a minor detail but with the rest of your story flowing so well it just through me off. Your transitions were strong and flowed seamlessly between the introduction and each story. You used some what of a cliffhanger in the first story to help pique the reader's interest and make them want to keep going. Great work!
ReplyDeleteI think there's supposed to be a link on the cover page to the introduction, but I might be wrong about that. Other that that, the site design looks good and complements the cover page image that you selected.
ReplyDeleteYour introduction was very impressive! There were several good parts to it, but I was most impressed by your use of dialogue. Not only was it believable of Greek gods, but it also enabled me to understand Eos' personality and perspective a lot more. The last scene containing the discussion between Eos and Homer was excellent! I like her reaction to Homer's misunderstanding of the Greek stories.
Your first story had some interesting changes. The first one was rather subtle. I thought I knew the original story well, but I guess I didn't keep track of all the details because I didn't catch that change. Your last change, making Tartarus into a safe haven, was certainly interesting. It should make the perspective throughout the rest of these stories pretty interesting!
Good work!
I really think that every picture you have included in your stories are stunning, they are so feminine and beautiful. Also, your introduction is one of the best I have read, it’s exciting and draws you in. It’s also rather ingenious that you included Homer and Gods together. Also, that you did it seemly it makes the story unique and interesting. I understand where you are going with the story and what to expect and I appreciate the little definition of what each god rules what and so on. It gives me a better sense of their power. That same descriptions of Gods I continue to appreciate in “Origin of the World”. In the beginning of your first story, I found the beginning a little distracting and I think that’s because each character is doing something different and it’s broken apart. A lot of starts and stops. I know it makes no sense, but what I’m talking about is the short sentences of description (at the beginning).
ReplyDeleteIt just seems like incomplete sentences and it’s okay if not every character has something to do. I love your story though and after this initial point. I was like yes, she hit her stride! Great job I really can’t wait to read more :D